Why the downside?

This blog is about my journey from being the fat girl to being the skinny, beautiful girl I know lives inside me.

Somewhere, she lives inside me, somewhere. And she is screaming to get out!

And yes, I have managed to keep her shut up with cookies for a long time now. (and cake, and huge mexican dinners, and frosting from a can, oh my god!  how I love frosting from a can)

Anyways, I have 100 pounds to lose. 100 pounds of fat, fluff and stuffing to shed from my body.

You know what my problem is, I don't see myself as fat! I don't understand these girls that weigh 100 pounds and see themselves as fat. I weigh 220 pounds and see myself as curvy, and beautiful! The sad truth is, we both have a problem, the skinny girls, the fat girls, anyone who can't see the truth that is staring themselves in the face has a problem. See when I look in the mirror I see this girl...........

Yes, yes, she needs to drop a few pounds, but overall she looks healthy enough, she certainly feels beautiful on the inside and out, but then the next morning pictures hit facebook of Miss I Think I Look Good and all her super skinny and gorgeous friends. And that is where the truth begins to shine. I was going to post a few of these pictures here and my fatness is not what is keeping me from doing so but  I couldn't find any that I thought everyone else would appreciate having posted. Sometimes us girls get a bit silly, when singing karaoke, it could have been the drinks but I think I will blame it on the karaoke. 

So far to date I have done many things to try to lose weight, lose it fast, lose it now, someone hurt my feelings and I am going to get slim and beautiful and rub that in their faces. Yeah right! As soon as I felt happy again, the eating started again. Every time hubby and I fight, I find myself thinking, I bet you wouldn't yell at me about toys in the lawn if I was a size 2 instead of a 22. sniff...sniff....sniff.....next day he buys me flowers and takes me to dinner to tell me he is sorry.......and I eat more than enough calories to make up for my 3 days or weeks on a diet! 

I have tried (in no particualar order) 

1. The Prism diet (which my son would mispronounce as the PRISON diet) basically you starve yourself to death, eating ricecakes and lettuce. And it works, but so does being dropped off on a deserted island. I wouldn't recommend either. 

2. The HCG diet, well yes, it worked, I ignored the haters and lost some weight quickly, but it sure is hard to feed your family and not eat it yourself. Oh and I got lightheaded almost daily, almost passed out, and it made my skin problem worse, but hey! I was losing weight right!

3. The get pregnant and become so sick that you throw up if you even smell food diet, I was feeling pretty impressed with myself, however,the stress of having a newborn, homeschooling, husband being laid off, and teenager problems caused me to do one thing that thwarted the weight from staying off.. stuff my face, stuff my face, stuff my face and repeat. 

4. Diet pills, diet shakes, diet soups, diet fruits, being a vegetarian, and nothing.....oh my god, why, did I try to find a quick fix over and over. Had I just found myself a balanced plan and stuck with it it might have helped. If I could add up all the days I spent yoyo dieting and all the money I spent on "magic formulas" I would be skinny with enough money to buy a new wardrobe! 

Right now I am on a new plan, a new game, a new track, Vivienne from over at The V Spot told her readers, 

You can eat anything you want, you just cant eat everything you want.

It's true, so true, I have taken a hard and deep look at my eating habits lately and cringed, and cringed hard. I haven't been trying. I have tons of bad eating habits. I am ready to tackle them, I have a plan, it doesn't involve any special ingredients and it certainly doesn't require me to starve myself. I hope that through blogging about it I can stay accountable somehow, even if only to my BFF Theresa, who is the only person I plan on sharing this with for a while. 

This first post is long.....which is FINE because I don't plan on anyone ever reading it, but, if you do, and I am not sticking with my plan, kick me in the butt please. 

Thank you, 

The skinny girl who is ready to kill the fat bitch holding her hostage.