October - refresh!

Went for a little walk this morning - it was lovely and hard all at the same time! The scale was good to me today, 212.8, it had crept back up to 215. It motivated me to get out there and do that walk. I really really want to be under 200 pounds by Thanksgiving. So really gotta move it, and cut the sugar and carbs way down!

I CAN DO THIS!

Final Tally Friday

Two weeks ago I was at 214.something something. Today I am at 210.8. Slowly oh my slowly the pounds are going. Somedays I feel like I will be fat forever and then are days like today where I am in the shower and realize that my top roll of fat is shrinking! My face looks thinner in the mirror too. And my pants are starting to sag. I have only lost 11 pounds though so I am excited for more changes in the future. I haven't been posting much because there really isn't much to post! I haven't been exercising, because it is hot and hubby isn't home to watch the kids. And I haven't been tracking my calories. Just trying to eat small and good for me meals when I am hungry! Weekends are harder when hubb is home!

Final Tally Friday

214.4

One month gone....

I have not been dieting for one month, I have went on a couple of walks but not many. I have been going going going though and that helps. And I have not been snacking as much. One month and right now I weigh

214.4

Almost 1 and a half pounds difference from when I stopped. I am ok with this because

1. Yesteray was the fourth of July
2. I have been pigging out and drinking alchohol all weekend
3. No water!

Today I am looking forward to starting over in these ways

1. Drinking my water
2. Exercising - walking or swimming EVERY day.
3. Counting my calories.

This summer is full of fun activities for my family and me, hopefully my being good most of the time, I can still enjoy lots of good food without the guilt!

Final Tally Friday # 3

I have been "dieting" for 2 1/2 weeks. And today the scale gave me this number.

213


That means that 8 pounds is gone! This is amazing to me! Especially since I ate buffet twice yesterday! (Thanks my darling niece, Mariah!)

I am proud of myself and that is a great feeling! It is also motivating. I can't wait to go for my walk tonight.

This is what suprises me the most-

***I don't feel like I am dieting!
***I enjoy my walks (most of the time)
***Drinking my water is easy, if I just chug it down, down, down
***Blogging about my weight loss if one of my favorite things to do!

It hurts~all over!

I hurt everywhere! My feet, my legs, my shoulders, my arms, my neck, my head. Tonight I did my normal two loop walk. Every.single.step was painful! Was it the extra jogging I have been doing? The floor exercises I did yesterday? The fact that I have walked 3 days in a row? Whatever it is it hurts.

The elevator does not go to the floor marked SUCCESS, you have to take the stairs!

This is the mantra I repeated over and over tonight as I walked. When I just wanted to do I loop, when I wanted to quit halfway through the second. It is what got me through. I wasn't even rewarded with that post exercise high that I have been feeling. JUST PAIN!

But it is OK......I have tomorrow off because I will be busy all day. ALL DAY! I am going on a field trip with my son, and then to a play with my Mom and Niece. I hope to do lots of sitting. Lots and lots of sitting!

Because Friday is coming.........................................

B~I~N~G~E!

uh oh! Can you say Binge! Thats me..right now! It has been an awful day and I am on the verge of a meltdown. Liter pepsi (the real stuff) and two candy bars later. And I am feeling awful. Instead of making me feel better it is making me feel worse! Way worse! Heres to a better day tomorrow!

Friday Final Tally #2

I was nervous when I stepped on the scale this morning. After all in my hydro induced coma last night I vaguely remember finishing the can of olives leftover from the pizzas I made, eating another half slice of pizza and eating a cereal bar. In about 30 seconds. This is what is sounded like, scarf, scarf, nom, nom, nom! Not pretty! The wrapper of the cereal bar was found by my bed as proof of my late night binging. It is funny because only a few hours before I scoffed at the amount of fat in these little candy bars in disguise! But I did it, I jumped on the scale and

215.6

Since last friday I have dropped a pound and a half. Is it as good as I had hoped? Well no, not really. I have been eating super duper healthy. I have been walking. And.....I have been sick. Laying on the couch does not burn many calories. The pills I am taking are making me retain water. So its okay. I feel better, I have more energy (from the walking I am sure), and I did lose weight.

I JOGGED!

I feel like super woman tonight! Brandon went for a walk with me tonight and he was hyper and wanted to run so I ran too and way farther than I thought I could. When we got back to the start of the path I checked our time and we had only been walking 23 minutes than the normal 35 it takes me so we walked back down a ways and then back to the car. It was such a beautiful night for a walk, dusk, the wind was blowing lightly and the rain fell lightly on us the last 5 minutes or so. It was so very awesomely refreshing. I don't know how to describe it but it was amazing. I haven't walked in since Sunday so I was happy to feel well enough to walk.

This week the scale has been showing a high number, I have been eating really well, I have tried to walk when I felt good enough too. I have chalked it up to the pills I am taking making me retain water. I starting drinking tons of water today, and hopefully with that along with my walk I see a happy number on the scale in the morning.

Tonight was the potluck at Brandon's school, I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted, I had been really really good all day and I wanted to enjoy it. I ate about half my plate and felt full. I told my family I was full, I took another bite. I told my family, "If one of you said that you were full, I would tell you to stop eating." I took another bite. And then I was done. I just wasn't hungry and I didn't need to eat anymore.

Another reason that the scale is being obnoxious could be due to the fact that I am getting ready to have that special time of the month! Oh joy! Oh well. I didn't know it was coming but I think it is like it or not. I know that that could have alot to do with it.

My first goal!

I am a results driven kind of person, being able to see why exactly the results could benefit ME is greatly rewarding. For example telling myself that  by June 11th I want to be  at 210 is a nice goal. But to tell me that I want to be at 210 for Brea's graduation party is a really good motivator. I know that my friends and family will be there and the camera will be out. So losing 10 pounds would be really exciting!

So that is my first goal - to be at 210 by June 11th, the day of the graduation party I am hostessing for Brea.

Yesterday when I hopped on the scale I was at 216 and a little.

I also ate and ate and ate yesterday. It was ok during the day because all my snacking was veggies but then there was tacobell for dinner. Off the fresca menu but way too much of it. And then something in my brain short circuited after I took my pain pills and ate 2 packs of little Debbie Snacks. I "knew" I didn't want them, they didn't even taste all that good. But I could....not....stop eating them. First time "cheating" on my new diet. cheating=sadness!

I am dreading hopping on the scale this morning. I know that it is only Tuesday and so I think I can recover. My punishment for myself. An extra lap at the little walking track for each one. Their was 4 bars total so I better get busy as soon as it quits pouring. I will do one extra one a day.

I am back on track this morning. Hopefully now that the coughing is somewhat under control I can start getting more water down too.

First Friday Final Tally:

I have decided to do my official weigh in on Friday Mornings.....I mean some people weigh in on Mondays and fine for them but for me that is just stoooooooo-pid. Why would I want to weigh in the day after I most likely overindulged?

Anyways.....it is Friday and that means.......yep....scale time!

I only started my journey that I lovingly refer to as my ~don't look like a whale journey~ on Wednesday. I was roughly 220. My scale bounces around like a mad balloon but that is ok, I will notice when it starts dropping for real.

And here is today's #..............wait right there.......................

217.2


Yep, I will take that! 


p.s. - yes I know it goes quickly at first, due to water weight and stuff, but I am still happy....so don't pee in my cheerios!

Why the downside?

This blog is about my journey from being the fat girl to being the skinny, beautiful girl I know lives inside me.

Somewhere, she lives inside me, somewhere. And she is screaming to get out!

And yes, I have managed to keep her shut up with cookies for a long time now. (and cake, and huge mexican dinners, and frosting from a can, oh my god!  how I love frosting from a can)

Anyways, I have 100 pounds to lose. 100 pounds of fat, fluff and stuffing to shed from my body.

You know what my problem is, I don't see myself as fat! I don't understand these girls that weigh 100 pounds and see themselves as fat. I weigh 220 pounds and see myself as curvy, and beautiful! The sad truth is, we both have a problem, the skinny girls, the fat girls, anyone who can't see the truth that is staring themselves in the face has a problem. See when I look in the mirror I see this girl...........

Yes, yes, she needs to drop a few pounds, but overall she looks healthy enough, she certainly feels beautiful on the inside and out, but then the next morning pictures hit facebook of Miss I Think I Look Good and all her super skinny and gorgeous friends. And that is where the truth begins to shine. I was going to post a few of these pictures here and my fatness is not what is keeping me from doing so but  I couldn't find any that I thought everyone else would appreciate having posted. Sometimes us girls get a bit silly, when singing karaoke, it could have been the drinks but I think I will blame it on the karaoke. 

So far to date I have done many things to try to lose weight, lose it fast, lose it now, someone hurt my feelings and I am going to get slim and beautiful and rub that in their faces. Yeah right! As soon as I felt happy again, the eating started again. Every time hubby and I fight, I find myself thinking, I bet you wouldn't yell at me about toys in the lawn if I was a size 2 instead of a 22. sniff...sniff....sniff.....next day he buys me flowers and takes me to dinner to tell me he is sorry.......and I eat more than enough calories to make up for my 3 days or weeks on a diet! 

I have tried (in no particualar order) 

1. The Prism diet (which my son would mispronounce as the PRISON diet) basically you starve yourself to death, eating ricecakes and lettuce. And it works, but so does being dropped off on a deserted island. I wouldn't recommend either. 

2. The HCG diet, well yes, it worked, I ignored the haters and lost some weight quickly, but it sure is hard to feed your family and not eat it yourself. Oh and I got lightheaded almost daily, almost passed out, and it made my skin problem worse, but hey! I was losing weight right!

3. The get pregnant and become so sick that you throw up if you even smell food diet, I was feeling pretty impressed with myself, however,the stress of having a newborn, homeschooling, husband being laid off, and teenager problems caused me to do one thing that thwarted the weight from staying off.. stuff my face, stuff my face, stuff my face and repeat. 

4. Diet pills, diet shakes, diet soups, diet fruits, being a vegetarian, and nothing.....oh my god, why, did I try to find a quick fix over and over. Had I just found myself a balanced plan and stuck with it it might have helped. If I could add up all the days I spent yoyo dieting and all the money I spent on "magic formulas" I would be skinny with enough money to buy a new wardrobe! 

Right now I am on a new plan, a new game, a new track, Vivienne from over at The V Spot told her readers, 

You can eat anything you want, you just cant eat everything you want.

It's true, so true, I have taken a hard and deep look at my eating habits lately and cringed, and cringed hard. I haven't been trying. I have tons of bad eating habits. I am ready to tackle them, I have a plan, it doesn't involve any special ingredients and it certainly doesn't require me to starve myself. I hope that through blogging about it I can stay accountable somehow, even if only to my BFF Theresa, who is the only person I plan on sharing this with for a while. 

This first post is long.....which is FINE because I don't plan on anyone ever reading it, but, if you do, and I am not sticking with my plan, kick me in the butt please. 

Thank you, 

The skinny girl who is ready to kill the fat bitch holding her hostage.